No Tears
by GraniaMhaol
Summary: Since she was a small child, Elphaba has steeled herself against the outside world and never allows herself to cry- not because of insults, torment, even the loss of her lover. But what about the loss of her best friend?


They're all staring at me. Of course they are. What else could be expected? I pull myself up a little straighter and thrust my sharp chin up into the air, glaring, challenging. I _will not_ cry. Not in front of them, not when I finally escape to my new room. Not at all. A slight movement distracts me- the girl perched atop the suitcases, the girl in white, has drawn her knees up to her chest and leaned back, as if to get away from me. Perfect, just perfect. I turn my eyes away from her. I should say something- otherwise her reaction might make me break my earlier promise. Something defensive that I don't really pay attention to comes out of my mouth, but then my sister and father arrive and mercifully silence me, giving me an excuse to look away.

She's barely even looked at me before, she goes out of her way to avoid me. This is the girl who shrunk away from me in horror the day we met, the girl who proclaimed her loathing for me, had gathered the entire school to her in her loathing for me. So, why is she here? Why is she offering something to me, inviting me, the resident green bean, to take part in a social event? Why would she do something like that? But she looks so sweet, and she's smiling, and I can't help but take the hat from her. Something in me is screaming at me not to trust her, but I do anyway. The novelty of having someone being nice to me almost brings tears to my eyes, but I stop myself. No tears. I have to try trusting her. After all, when you're in my shoes, any chance at having a friend should be taken.

Madame Morrible terrifies me, but here I am anyway. However, Miss Galinda did something wonderfully kind for my sister, and even reached out to me, though I still cannot understand why, and so here I am. The headmistress does not seem thrilled with my idea, though. I hate her for all of her cutting remarks in regard to my roommate's lack of intelligence, strength of will, and natural talent, and then realize that she is echoing all of the sentiments I originally had for the blonde, and I suddenly hate myself for thinking all of those things. I will not make myself cry, either. That would surely be weakness- if I can't keep myself from hurting me, how could I hold myself together under the onslaughts of others? I look Madame Morrible right in the eye and tell her that if she doesn't accept Miss Galinda into the sorcery program _tonight_, then I am quitting. She sighs and acquiesces, and I feel better.

I knew I shouldn't have trusted her, I _knew_ it, why didn't I listen to myself? But it's too late now, here I am, standing in the middle of this crowded room, and everyone is pointing and snickering. Horrified, I pull the hat off. And then I see her, standing off in the corner with her handsome new rich boy. She's looking at me like a rabbit ready to run—in fact, she looks completely petrified. I have to see her face more clearly, and I come down the stairs and into the middle of the room, trying not to notice as people scatter, trying to get out of my way. The hurt must be written all over my face, as much as I try to hide it, but she turns her back to me. I shake my head, looking at her in disgust, but then, I'm even more disgusted with myself. What was I thinking, coming here? Did I think I'd be _accepted_, for some reason? Why did I put myself on a limb, and risk losing my one real opportunity in the world, for this girl who I barely know and who has just betrayed me, just like I should have known she would? But I am _not_ going to lose face, not because of her. Don't cry, I tell myself. Don't ever let them make you cry. I tilt my chin up once again and shove the hat back onto my head, then start to dance.

I'm still not entirely sure how I got here, and can't help but feel a little out of place. Somehow Galinda really _is _being nice to me… in her way. She's taken my glasses away, and pulled my hair out of its standard plait, and coaxed me into telling her my nastiest, darkest secret. Madame Morrible was wrong, I muse. Nothing but true magic could have gotten me under this blonde beauty's spell. She tosses her curls over her shoulder and pins the pink flower from her hair into my dark locks and steps back to inspect. Something in her eyes changes and she smiles at me and hands me a mirror. I eye her warily and take it, look into it, and am shocked to see someone I don't know looking back at me. It can't be me, can it? The girl in the mirror is pretty, something I'll never be. I turn back to Galinda, looking for an explanation, and she's still smiling that soft, fond smile at me. Something catches in my throat, and I have to thrust the mirror back at her and escape.

This place is so unlike anything I've ever seen that I can't help myself. I know I shouldn't let my wonder show, I'm supposed to be the calm and composed one, Glinda is the one who is there to show delight in the place, not me. But here I am, unable to hide my astonishment and awe. Green, green, everywhere! No one even looks at me twice, and it's so refreshing, having people smile and nod to me as if I were normal. I think to myself, how wonderful would it be to stay here forever? And then I feel Glinda's small palm slip into mine, and when I turn to her, she smiles at me and squeezes my hand, and I couldn't be happier.

I have to go, but the look on her face breaks my heart. I knew she wouldn't come with me, I know she just doesn't have it in her to live the kind of life I'm resigning myself to. But I love her, so I have to forgive both her and myself for not being able to live the way the other would choose. I will miss her so- but if I stay any longer, I might lose my strength, my ability to walk away from the one friend I've ever had. I know what I have to do, so, swallowing hard, I hold back the tears I've held back since the first time my mother told me not to let anyone make me cry, and I pull myself onto the broomstick and fly.

I've hurt her, she's heartbroken, she's bewildered, her eyes are pleading with me, trying to understand. I'm so ashamed, how could I do this? But before I can break down at her feet and beg for her forgiveness, he takes me by the wrist and tugs me away, pulling me away from the dangers of both the Wizard and of myself.

I stand hunched forward and sneer, mocking her, but I cringe on the inside. Not in all my years of being considered an outcast and a criminal has someone stared at me with such unmasked hatred. I cackle wickedly at her to keep my tears from coming.

All of those wrongs against one another, hers and mine, they're so inconsequential. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pull her close to me, and she presses her face into my shoulder, arms around my waist. I could stay like this forever, but they're coming, and I mustn't let anything else happen to her, she's suffered enough on my account. That's why I made her promise not to try to clear my name, after all. As I disappear behind a curtain with my bucket of water in hand, I press a finger to my lips and offer her a sad smile, but it's all right. We're both forgiven.

I stand arm in arm with Fiyero, on the edge of the threshold, lingering as I look my last upon my sweet Glinda, the dearest friend I could ever have hoped for. He gently wraps an arm around my waist to comfort me, and I thankfully lean into his embrace. Glinda runs her fingers gently down the spine of the Grimmerie and whispers something that I can't hear, but understand anyway. And as I turn away from her and start to walk away, I don't bother to brush away the single tear that runs down my face.


End file.
